You're not even there anymore, God
by Hermonie
Summary: After P.O.A., Remus goes to church for the first time in years. He doesn't belive anyone is listening, until a long lost friend makes an apperance. Highly Religious. R


Disclaimer: Nthing's mine except the plot

An: A highly religous fic. Remus gets pissed off in Curch and screams at the Alter. Ummm, yeah, Just read it. Gracias!

His shoes made a soft _click click_ sound on the over-polished floor. It had been years since Remus Lupin had gone to church, wizards generally weren't accepted there. Nor were werewolves, but that was beside the point. He just never had a reason to go, to believe in what it could do. He shouldered open the great oak doors, a memory of Hogwarts flooding back to him. He dropped a muggel dollar in the collection box, and lit a single candle.

"In the name of James Potter and Lily Potter" his whispered. The wooden lighter stick caught flames and Remus dropped it in surprise. It hit the floor, and went out, as quickly as it lit. 

Remus walked up to the front of the church, crossed himself and sat in the front pew. He had taken off his robes, and wore old muggel slacks and a button down shirt. Falling to his knees, he crossed himself again and bowed his head.

"Our father...................." Remus stopped half-way through the prayer and looked up to the alter. 

"No" he said to the empty church "He's not who I'm here to see. James, I know your there. God, please let him be there. We all miss you down here. We died with you Prongs. God, can't you do something? Haunt us for god's sake! Anything! Just to know your there......" Remus ran his fingers through his graying hair. 

The stained glass windows looked back at him, the wings glowing gold in the sun. The great cross hung behind the alter, putting an eerie setting to his pleas. 

"God!" Remus screamed "You said all that followed you would never know darkness. You said once I found you, I would never hurt again. Well here I bloody am! Where in Hell are you?!? Did I ever stray from you? You took the best from us! I'm alone now!" Remus stopped to catch his breath, but he was far from finished. "You!" He said, pointing a menacing finger at the cross "Lied to me! Where are you? Sirius is as good as dead, locked up. He's not free! You've condemned an innocent man to hell! He's no better than in Azkaban! Peter, Well... How could you! Couldn't you stop him? And why did you take James? The best of us! The one with the most to lose! And he would have given it all to you to save Lily and Harry! But you took Lily too! And you punished Harry more than anyone could ever know!" 

Remus threw up his hands, and made to exit. His hand flew out to open the door, but he stopped, and turned around. He sighed, and walked back up to the pew. But he didn't sit. He continued walking, and mounted the steps to the alter. But still, he didn't stop. He kept walking, hands clenched, until he reached the Cross. Looking up, he sighed again, hands relaxing. 

"What's the use? You're not even there." Remus sat down. Right there on the alter, and sobbed. It was rare that he really cried, transforming had made him immune to most pain. But his heart was still human.

"I just thought.." he let out in between sobs "That if I prayed and prayed.....Maybe someone would finally listen." He struggled to get up, resuming his composure, and turned to leave the church, This time with his head hung low. Halfway down the aisle, he stopped. A shadowy hand reached under his chin and tilled it up. Remus swore for a moment, before the shadow passed and the stained glass let the light in again, that James Potter smiled at him. Remus rubbed his eyes in disbelief, but the figure, or whatever it had been, was gone. He gave a tiny smile, sniffled, and walked back over to the candles. Dropping in another muggel dollar, he lit the wick with James candle. 

"This one is for all of us." he said. The fire controlled itself this time, and he put the wick out in the ashtrays. Walking out of the church, he blessed himself with holy water, and smiled at the alter. 

"Keep an ear open God, and I' ll keep my heart open too." And he turned and closed the massive doors behind him. 


End file.
